Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. I know that's what everyone must be saying. My response: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been busy. I just recycled a nearly three inch stack of paper which was my reading for the semester. I finished my last final at 9:30 am this morning and couldn't feel better. As some of you may know, about halfway through the semester I began to question whether the degree was worth it. This was because all the jobs for a student of economics I was seeing were not anything I really wanted to do. But, family being family, they helped me to understand that this degree is going to open many doors and not all of them in economics. So I kept at it and am happy to say that I finished strong. I thinking something like two A's and a B. We'll see.
While reading academic paper after academic paper, the blog was always on the back of my mind. I've recently been following the blog of professional bmx rider Taj Mahelich, called Fairdale. Fairdale is made up mostly of his cartoons, funny stories and the occasional iPod-compatible wiener dog boom box. I realized I had plenty of good drawings in the Moleskin and so I plan to start posting some up. Taj's work is more finished and colorful, but these are drawings (doodles) that were largely made while waiting. If I get adventurous, I'll dig out some of the old class notebooks. Lord knows what's in those. So, here is the first doodle. I figured being an economist in training, a market based doodle is the most appropriate first post.
Having been a student for as long as I can remember, and interested in drawing since since at least the fourth grade, I've noticed that my best drawing work generally occurs in the margins. Even in the Moleskin, most of the best stuff is wedged in around writing. If I have a large page in front of me, I have no idea what to do with it. But, if confined to a small space, I don't have any trouble putting a pen or pencil to the page. I don't worry about what I draw. I just let it come out. When working with a full page I feel like I have to make it good. If I don't, I wasted not only time but a good sheet of paper. An artist in Eugene named Rose told me that it was a matter of teaching my arm to draw. Right now I'm only drawing with my hand, but if I want to move my drawing to larger media I need to teach my arm what my hand already knows. I need to make a full page a confining space.
I mentioned that I can get the feeling while drawing that I'm wasting time. Teaching my arm to draw is a simple mechanical problem, but not getting restless in a seat is a more difficult problem. It may be the carpenter in me, but if I'm not out sawing, turning a wrench, or even riding the bmx bike, I get the feeling that I'm not doing anything productive. The funny thing is that, for the most part, I don't get this feeling when writing a paper or doing work for class. It's really when I'm doing my own thing that I start to feel wasteful. I also get this feeling while writing my own stories, or working on a photo in the computer. I have to ask: Why only when I'm doing my own thing? The feeling is worse during the daylight hours, which makes sense. But it happens even during rainy days when going outside is the last thing that I want to do. In fact, on rainy days, I often get the distinct feeling that I should be taking pictures. So when I try to draw or write, I can't shake the feeling that the more productive use of my time would be making photographs. Problem is there isn't usually jack to photograph in my little apartment. The best use of my time then, one would think, would be writing or drawing. Instead I end up hobbling together some picture of one of my broken chairs that's just not that good.
Is it all self-doubt? Is it just a longing to be out in the shop or outdoors? I don't know. One idea is to recognize that I'm like a moth and when the sun's out I just have to get closer to that light. If I want to draw or write, I'd likely have the best luck doing it at night. The last trick will be to not let myself veg in front of the computer now that I have more Kids in the Hall episodes than I can shake a stick at. If I can work through all this and start producing some good stuff, you guys will be the first to see it.
Cheers.
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